http://dutch.faithfreedom.org/2009/12/1 ... getuienis/
Well, my story is a long story. I was born to Muslim parents. I grew up in an extended family with lots of aunts and uncles, who above all showered me with love and affection. My parents however were not doing so well. My father had joined the tabligh jamaat and was radically changing into a religious zealot. He ordered my mom to burn all photos and publications containing pictures. He used to have ‘ta’lim’ after Isha salaah during the evenings much to the distress of my uncles and aunts who were younger than he was. My father was often not at home, visiting other towns and basically so caught up with his ‘divine’ calling, that my mom and I were completely neglected. If it wasn’t for my kind aunts, my mom would have left my dad. Maybe she would have just stayed on, as she did, given the fact that divorce was such a taboo topic, and that she was not going back to the home of her father. In any event the uncles and aunts grew up and left, along with my grand parents and my mom was left to suffer the exploits of this cruel man alone. From the beginning I could tell that women were sub-humans, and they were basically there to do all the chores at home, while it was OK for the man to go to work, come home to eat, be pissed off with mom for no reason and then bugger off to spend the evening with fellow tablighis planning their next trip out of town.
I attended Madrassah until the 11th year, which is pretty much when I decided that Islamic Studies were useless in the real world. I used to excel in madrassah, getting good results; and my father was very disappointed that I abandoned it, though I was keen on science and biology and that appealed to me more than any religious hocus pocus. After school I eventually went to University, which was the turning point of my life. Many different cultures and races, and people from all walks of life, Rastafarians, Wiccans, atheists, all the sort of people that you don’t encounter in daily life. I spent time with these people and learned about their culture and way of life; differing philosophies and teachings. Also I was a member of MSA (Muslim Students Association) and we had to elect a new imam some time during that year.
At varsity I took up archaeology and social anthropology, during which we covered some primatology and the evolution of man. The evidence to support Darwin’s theory of evolution is today doubtlessly the essence of the story of our kind on earth. We examined fossils of the various specimens collected and what is clear is, that there is a clear progression which no one can deny. Denialist propose intelligent design, but that theory is wracked by inconsistencies and falls in line with scripture rather than science, in fact what they claim is pseudoscience. We also covered the history of different parts of the world, the various ages and so forth and it was during these times that I felt that creationism is based on myth and hence has no credibility as far as empirical science goes.
I also grew up during hard times, we weren’t well off and struggled during my youth. We also endured loss and suffering under the government’s evil forces during apartheid times. So this was indeed a time when races started coming together in a way never seen in our country before. It was then that I started clubbing and meeting people from all walks of life, having fun and also talking about our religions and traditions. Needless to say, South Africa is now free of apartheid, but during that year, the local Muslims who are of Indian descent sidelined our native brothers in Islam, so they went out and created their own group calling themselves the sons and daughters of Bilal. I was very much disgusted with that, and still live in disgust as people descended from Hyderabadis, Tamils and other southern Indian Muslim descendants are looked down on. At school their kids were given a hard time by Muslim kids. These Gujarati jamaat Muslims only think that they are Muslims, they often boast that the Islam they practice is more purer than the Saudis and anyone else in the world. They follow Iman Abu Hanifa and do not cater for the needs of the Shafi’I followers. They frown upon Shi’ites and fabricate lies about them, while openly showing their aggression toward the muslims who follow the sufi tradition. I think Sufi muslims to be the most moderate group within the larger Muslim population. Yes, South Africa unfortunately has become a haven for the fundementalist type. We have madressa’s and Darul ulooms churning out aalims, muftis, maulanas like anything, and all these aalims teach at madrassah, teaching all the Muslim kids a very strict and extreme form of Islam.
At madressah we learned that Kafirs and Mushriks are the worst in the sight of Allah. Their sins will be unforgiven and their lives are worthless as they serve not Allah. We were taught that the worst among them are the Jews. We learned that Hindus are idolators and are destined for the fire. We read the quraan over 10 times during my stay at madressa. At madressa we were exposed to harsh punishments upon not learning our quraan. We also learned the prayers and supplications as well as Islamic history. Funny thing about history in madressa, you only go as far as the Khalif Ali and then the ship is abandoned. I think perhaps the stormy history that one would learn about would surely show the true colours of the sahaaba. They never tell you that Mo killed Safiyah’s husband and married her under controversial conditions. Once you hit 13, girls are seperated from boys and the direction of your education is focused on marriage and matters pertaining to the opposite sex. It is there that we were taught that women were deficient in their faith and religion and that they are one huge private part that needs to be covered. Sadly many of our Muslim girls get groomed for a life of abuse and inequality. Since I have left Islam , actually since I got married, I have never put into practise any of those rules.
In any event, it was at varsity that I witnessed these double standards. But none more shocking than the double standards of my father. Here is a man, who gave my mom lots of grief all of our lives, gets involved with another female, doing her in our house, under my mom’s nose. When he gets caught he denies it. Yet this is the same man who lectured me about not having a girlfriend as it is against Islam. When the news came to my ears I was devastated. This female happened to be my mom’s brother’s wife, I mean how could he think of her! Fuck I lost it then. I resolved to be the most disgraceful son to my father yet. You know about Muslims and their honour, well I wanted to test his patience. As I was working and started earning, I eventually got into the wrong crowd (also Muslim mind you), and we went on all sorts of sprees. We would go out to clubs, drink do drugs, pick up white girls and use them for sexual gratification, fight with other groups and basically that showed me that Muslims can pretend like they’re oh so fucking righteous but I’ve seen a lot of them, truly at their best too. The way they would treat these girls, waiting in line to get some, after getting them so drunk. I couldn’t believe what I witnessed, though I could understand that if my father was that way, what says that these young Muslim punks aren’t the same. I have a mother and a sister and I wouldn’t want that for them.
Eventually I lost faith in my friends as they turned out to be real swine, leaching off me, stealing my things, and messing with my sister. One of those swine even married my sis and then left her after 2 years for someone else. It was o easy to drop her he gave her three talaaqs with no regrets or hesitation. As much as some of my Muslims friends despise the swine, I can vouch for any pig being better than anyone of them. Eventually I met a Hindu girl, and so my family came to hear about Hindu girlfriend. I slept with her and we had funwhile it lasted. Our parent knew it and diapproved, but I loved her immensely and we were both over 18. They were afraid that we would elope. I was threatened with excommunication and I really gave up my love for her because of my mom and dad, and those people in the family I had respect for. I should have actually eloped in retrospect, as I’m now married to what they think is an ideal partner for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife more than any other, but it feels like Islam denied me a first chance in love. Anyway being young certainly played on my insecurities, I couldn’t sway my girlfriend into converting as I knew Islam was bullshit, so we mutually called an end to it.
So at the moment I am under cover and my folks and family think I’m still a stinking mussie, only my sister has a hint of my apostacy. My wife is the only person that knows about my apostacy and I’m slowly convincing her that Islam is infact a false religion, that Islam oppresses women and that Islam denies any human rights to non-muslims and that in my opinion is tantamount to apartheid which I know lots about.
In the meantime, my drug abuse problem was growing out of hand. I was basically doing it to anger my dad and Allah too, because being spiteful to him is my ultimate revenge. I started out on pot and mind expanding drugs like LSD, Mushrooms and cannabis. It was mindblowing and more than ever I would think about the validity of Islam and my sinful life would cause me to turn to Allah again.
I searched for guidance and started praying again, still not fully believing in Allah. Eventually I started to resent this being Allah because I felt denied of his blessing and guidance. Why couldn’t I have not realized the truth of Islam. It was with mixed feelings that I went through drug binge upon drug binge. I eventually started losing it once I overdid the cocaine. I needed rehab and getting and staying clean was all I wanted. I figured that I would have to get through it without Allah’s help. I also got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my moods ranged from happy and carefree to depressed and suicidal. Eventually with the help of a wonderful psychiatrist, I was treated for the condition and I realize now that the condition was behind some of my irrational behaviour. With anti-psychotic medication, my condition improve day to day. I was no longer troubled by drug cravings and felt stability for the first time in a long while. One of my realisations was that Islam was false and dangerous and what I realised I could not turn my back on. And hence I have taken the opportunity to share this with all of you.
As much as most Muslims tell you how they love Allah, I hate him, its maybe because I felt let down that at the end I had to pull myself out of the holes I found myself in. At my worst, my words of consolation from my father was to ask Allah for forgiveness as I have angered him and that is why he was punishing me. I don’t believe that now, and as long as I was a Muslim I was always doing drugs and then trying to make up with Allah with an overhanging inferiority and guilt complexes and no faith in myself. I lost it finally and it was not thanks to him that I’m now clean. I went searching for answers, turning to meditation and reading up on religion. After reading through many scriptures I still haven’t found one truly worthy of the title ‘Word of God’. Finally I concluded that there is no real religion. Each of these have been created to cause disunity among men and have been the major cause of wars and turmoil in the world. Most certainly if all religions were banned and all texts burnt, we humans would be much better off, but perhaps I am militant in my view because I feel so let down by what I believed about Islam and Muslims and especially God. I am now anti-religious and I do what I want within the limits set out by myself. I now feel much lighter, not having that guilt complex that was so rife during those Muslim years. I can have a glass of wine and not wonder what punishment I’m going to receive. I just feel sorry for those who are still blinded by the delusion of religion, who refuse to see the light and abandon these silly rituals and false beliefs that most people on this planet engage in.
Currently my kid will have to also learn some Islamic stuff just to make like we teaching her those things. But at the first opportunity I will take her out of madressa and enlighten her to the real truth about Islam.