Lilly's verhaal

Dit forum is alleen bedoeld voor getuigenissen van ex Moslims en de moderator heeft het recht zonder enige voorkennis alle off-topic threads verplaatsen in daarvoor bestemde folders.
Berichten: 383
Lid geworden op: Di Jan 21, 2003 10:23 pm

Lilly's verhaal

Berichtdoor Patrick » Ma Okt 18, 2004 9:03 pm

Inleiding: Dit is het mooie verhaal van Lillylayla, een Saoudische vrouw die de Islam vaarwel zegt. Lillylayla is uiteraard een schuilnaam, voor verdere vragen kunt u haar contacteren via het hoofdforum Het zal je maar overkomen dat je uitgerekend in Saoudi Arabië geboren bent, iedereen rondom jou diepgelovig is, en op een dag beslist dat Islam niet je ding is. Lillylayla wil dat land dan ook verlaten. Dit is een copy van het orginele verhaal op het FFI-hoofdforum.

Hey guys..
I promised to write this a while ago. And haven’t because I was too busy so I apologize for my delay.
Here I am –with cold and a fever that is not far away-writing about me and Islam.

Of course you all know that I am born in Saudi and there for I am a Muslimah, or that what my ID and other papers say.
My parents are very religious and so is most of my immediate family. And was raised into being a Muslimah.
I liked Islam because my father is a Muslim. I love my father and care a lot about him…so anything he loved or believed in I did the same.
But at my heart I didn’t like Islam and wasn’t proud to pray and wear abyah like father and mother do. I just pretend to make them happy. And for my luck they didn’t make me pray a lot.
But our other relatives did not like the fact that I don’t pray so I used to pray only to avoid troubles.

I didn’t like any of the Saudi traditions and costumes. And I avoided mixing with Saudi ppl especially in there celebrations and parties. I used to celebrate Eid and other special says alone.

Even Arabian Programs on T.V. I didn’t watch them. I only like to watch American T.V. programs.

I felt that I didn’t have any rights and hated men for that, but I knew that in America woman are treated better. I didn’t want any one to tell me what to do or what to wear. And I was ashamed of the abyah and nigab.

Since I was 10 I asked my father and begged him to leave Saudi for good and live in the state, I love English and learn it on my own. He hate America and used to hit me for talking about them and liking them. He wouldn’t let me watch or play American stuff and game.

I used to argue with him about woman rights. And things like this, but I was considered an apostate and been beaten a lot for this.
My mother used to make fun of my saying that I am a Christian and that I am a sister of the Jews.

When I became 21 I realized that talking about such things will only get me into troubles. So I kept quite and I was still treated badly.
At the time I had problems with my boy friend as well so I was so depressed that I lost 20 Kqs in only 2 weeks.
All ppl around me avoided me, saying that I am crazy…for a long time I really thought that I am crazy and that I am not normal. Till I met my net friends. They encouraged me, they gave my self confidence again.

My family said that the reason for my depression is that I don’t pray and that I do sins. And would let me go to a shrink. Saying this means I am crazy. I had a rough time and I suffered from a break down.

I blamed the Arabs for what is happening to me. Later own I decided to stand on my feet without anyone's help. And I did that and fought for every single thing I thought that is my right. So my life got better. And started helping others to get a better life as well.

At that time it was 2001 and after I saw 11/9 I begin to question Islam in my heart. Before I had doubts but I brushed them away. But who ever I asked said that those are not real Muslims and true Muslims wont do such things.
And when I asked about why woman is treated so bad in the Islamic countries the answer is " don’t judge Islam by the act of Muslims. Islam respect woman."
"Islam had protected woman and gave her right she didn’t had before. She was inherited before now she inherit some of her relatives."
"before she was buried alive and now she live"
"before a man can marry more than 10 wives and now he only marry 4 and he is asked to treat them nice and give them the same treatment"

so I didn’t question any one any more. Because every time I did I get my self into trouble.

And at about the end of 2002 I saw how Danny pearl was killed and I was so shocked and that made me hate Muslims more and more…
But I didn’t realize that I hated Islam more and more because I always thought that those are not real Muslims. I hated their double standard, their hypocrisy

With time passing I questioned even the quran. And why non believers should be killed. And I choice to be Christian.
But my boy friend (the same one I knew, we got back to each other but now he is my Ex boy friend) and my shrink I am seeing (I've been seeing her for a year now and she knows about FFI) told me other wise and convinced me to pray.
So I did so. But I noticed that it didn’t help at all. And I also noticed that only religious ppl are living in hell. No fun, no laughs, no family love…no nothing.
Always arguing, screaming at each other.

Then I found this Forum and I thought that this might help me find the truth.
And you guys opened my eyes for many things.. such as :
Mohammad married a 9 years old kid. And I never thought about this before..
And that the saying "that these acts are committed by not true Muslims" and you said" even Muslims don’t follow Islam"

So now I decided to leave Islam for good. And become Christian. And why did I choose Christianity?

You asked me before why did I love the person of Mohammad? Well because I loved the stories about his forgiveness and kindness…I now a lot of them but its hard for me to translate them.
I love the verse in Quran about being kind and forgiving (and there is a lot).
But I also realize that its not only Islam that have good things.
And also because Jesus was so kind and I never heard that he killed any one before..

But I am afraid of hell. And I still have doubts…

Even so my decision is to believe in One God and do good deeds and help others as much as possible.
Jesus is not a God.

I don’t hate Jews, Muslims or any others. Love is the key. And I will help as much as possible.

Some ppl know about this and been trying to convince me to be a Muslimah again. So I choice to pretend that I am and went a long.

P.S. (about the shrink I am seeing. Before I was seeing a male shrink. But me and him had an argument. As why I draw ppl in western clothes and why I don’t write comic for the Islamic society…I said to him " well…do you want me to bite the hand that fed me? Do you want me to go against who helped me to be this good in art ? (well thanks to my net friends I got better) Muslims always told me that drawing live things is haram and was tearing my sketch books!! he said "then you will only draw for them?! I said yes and left).

Berichten: 19
Lid geworden op: Za Nov 27, 2004 2:39 pm

Berichtdoor Angelika » Zo Nov 28, 2004 3:36 am

Hoi Patrick,

ik heb haar verhaal en andere postings ook op het hoofdforum gelezen maar m,n engels is te slecht om daar te reageren :oops:

Ze is een inspiratie!!!!!!

Berichten: 383
Lid geworden op: Di Jan 21, 2003 10:23 pm

Berichtdoor Patrick » Zo Nov 28, 2004 7:20 pm

Geen probleem ik zal het haar zeggen ;)

Berichten: 6
Lid geworden op: Vr Dec 30, 2005 3:01 am


Berichtdoor Skylar57 » Vr Dec 30, 2005 3:16 am

Do people reply to responses here?:I

Berichten: 17473
Lid geworden op: Ma Feb 17, 2003 9:58 am

Berichtdoor Manon » Vr Dec 30, 2005 11:19 am

Skylar, if you want to debate in English, or if you are not able to communicate in Dutch, it is better to register in the main FFI forum:
More diversity always means "less white people"
Diversity is a codeword for white genocide.

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